Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
