: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
