you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
