Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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