I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
