I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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