note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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