my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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