Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
