Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
