a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The uberlube is also flammable
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
