i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
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Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
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I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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