Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Terrible idea I love it
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
