Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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