dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
