It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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