I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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