and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
you made out with another girl for some wings
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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