wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
