It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
