my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
