So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
