I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
