is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
