okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
