By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
