I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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