You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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