i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
