she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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