Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
