FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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