I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
