i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
