Where did you get a picture of my penis
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
