you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
