Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
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I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
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WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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