i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
