I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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