he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
