I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
