Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
