My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
