She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
