the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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