I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
