she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
