when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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