Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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