Say something about gay babies.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
