I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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