I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
