We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
