the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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