I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
