he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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