i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
