No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
