belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
