I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
